god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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