Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
