I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you will always have a special place in my vag
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
