I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
