you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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