My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
