Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
