But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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