i think my tv is drunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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