So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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