so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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