real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
