I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
