You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
