I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mom said you looked used
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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