PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
