his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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