Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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