The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet he comes in French.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
