you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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