Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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