omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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