I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
