i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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