Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this will be a night to untag.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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