You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
