we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
