I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
