it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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