in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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