It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
420 ftw
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
