We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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