Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
