do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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