Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize