it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
