If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And then he peed in my hair
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