Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wear drunk well.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
