I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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