chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
