I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
