A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
