Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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