I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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