i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
