I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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