Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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