Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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