your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
