i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
