Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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