that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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