Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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