Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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