btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
