and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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