I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize