Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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