Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
