so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
