How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
